Good Grief – Part 2

To see more on the goodness of grief, here is Good Grief–Part 1.


In the midst of grief L-O-S-S is a four letter word. We like to win, not lose, but we do lose when someone we love dies. It can be the loss of what was or what never was. Either way it hurts!

“But we don’t talk about it very often. Like a silent conspiracy, we seem to have an unspoken agreement with others not to talk about our losses. Yet with each and every loss comes the potential for change, growth, new insights, understanding, and refinement – all in the future, and we fail to see that far ahead when we are in the midst of our grief,” says H. Norman Wright in Recovering from the Losses of Life.

Interestingly enough, just before Malorie entered hospice I read a wonderful post about grief which stuck with me.  Of her time with the Lord, Brooke Kireta said,

“He (the Lord) was telling me how people don’t grieve enough which I thought was kind of weird because most people are really sad.  But then I heard Him say-the reason there is so much depression is because there is not enough grieving. If we knew the importance of taking the time to grieve-we would stop bottling up all the painful emotions that lead us into addictions, illicit relationships, and unhealthy patterns. As Americans with our staunch belief in the pursuit of happiness-we cannot stand the idea of grieving. We want to be happy all the time. It is our right as Americans. The only problem is-it’s not healthy or realistic.”

She was telling my story and H. Norman Wright confirmed it. I do not think I have ever grieved and Malorie’s death touched every loss I ever denied.

“When a child doesn’t grieve over a loss, a similar loss in adult life can reactivate the feelings associated with the childhood experience.” H. Norman Wright

Grief is important. Grief is Godly. Grief is healthy. Grief is GOOD.

We have probably all read the stages of grief at least once in our lifetime:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

I like lists, they make me feel safe. Seeking safety above all else has kept me from grieving my whole life, so this list will be put aside. I will consider this list and may even refer to it, but I am going to hand over the reins and allow my Savior to lead and guide me and comfort me through the stages of grief.

“And we can take the time to process the pain and grief with God or we can pull up our boot straps and muscle our way through it. But eventually the straps break and our muscles give out. We cannot do this on our own. The pain is too much to bear. So we need a Savior”Brooke Kireta

My muscles have given out and I recognize my need to grieve for the loss of my friend and so many other losses, but I will not do this alone. I lay it down at His feet for Him to sort through the mess of losses I have made and trust Him to make it into something beautiful as only He can do. I desire all God has for me, but His path, not mine is the perfect one to get me there. So, I can trust that the difficult road of grieving leads to His perfect plan for my life and ultimately my freedom.


In Recovering from the Losses of Life we are told, “The purpose of grieving over your loss is to get beyond these reactions to face your loss and work on adapting to it. The overall purpose of grief is to bring you to the point of making necessary changes so you can live with the loss in a healthy way.”

What have you lost? A friend, a relationship, a spouse? Maybe it was a job, a dream or a house? Regardless of the loss the pain is eerily similar. Can you invite your Father to hold you and lead you through your grief toward your freedom? Will you make the necessary changes that will bring growth and healing?

Father, thank you that grief is a process, so we know it has a beginning, but also an end. We trust You to bring us through the process making all things new. Not forgetting, but learning to hold dear, that which we lost. Thank you for being with us in the sadness, anger and denial. You are a faithful God, an ever present comfort in our times of grief. We need Your help to experience the joy you promise in the morning.


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About Mari Dertinger

Mari Dertinger is a wife and mom to five awesome kids ranging in age from 14 to two. Writing has been a huge part of her life since childhood. She loves sharing the truth of the Word as it applies to life and mothering. When she is not writing or juggling family life, she can be found picking up roadside treasures or scouring flea markets and antique stores to create her one of a kind designs for her business The Salvaged Peach.

3 thoughts on “Good Grief – Part 2

  1. Pingback: Good Grief – Part 1 | Mothers With A Mission

  2. I just lost my mom to cancer back in Feb. It was the first devastating loss I’ve experienced personally and I have found great comfort in thoughts like the ones you expressed here. I know God is doing something with this in my life and the lives of all who knew my mom. He is a good, goid Father.


    • I am sorry for your loss. I read some of your posts in preparing for this one 🙂 Thank you for your heartfelt comment. May God’s comfort and peace be constant companions on this journey of grief, know that others are traveling the journey too.

      Liked by 1 person

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