We Were Made For Friendships

Family Photo copyIt didn’t make sense. It was 11:00 at night. My husband had just gone to bed, and I was shutting down the computer to follow him when a simple picture of friends swept across the screen and loneliness swept through my heart. I turned out the lights and sat in the darkness.

It wasn’t that my friends weren’t there or didn’t care. It was that I was in an emotionally exhausting season and was too overwhelmed to connect like usual. I was struggling on my own, and I felt isolated. I needed the encouraging words of a friend to shed light and remind me that I was not alone.

Maybe it isn’t a picture in the midst of a too full plate that makes you lonely or hurt. Maybe it’s:

  • The cold stares from those moms who think your son is too wild in the church nursery.
  • That all your friends on Facebook have husbands who post praises to their wives and pictures of romantic dinners while yours falls asleep in the chair and you cry alone in bed.
  • That you feel like a terrible mom because you love your kids so much and yet you don’t like them because they’re rude and disrespectful and you’re sure no one else feels that way.

Whatever makes your heart heavy, I want to be that friend whispering into your darkness that you are wonderful and capable and accepted and loved. And that I understand your fears and your doubts because I have them too.

We were not made to go solo. We were made for community.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NLT) says, Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

Here we see that friendship provides greater success, help in need, warmth, strength, and wholeness. I want this and I want it for you.

It’s why I write here. For those of you who only know me by my blog photo, you matter to me. I want you to know that on the other side of your screen, I am here cheering you on. My heart breaks when you feel broken, and it celebrates when you feel joy. Every word I type is my effort to take your hand and say:

“We” is better than me!

And sometimes I need you to take mine because it can be lonely on this side too. The enemy often convinces me that what I do doesn’t matter. That my words are meaningless noise in an already too-busy place. But my writing is not for me. It’s for you. I share my stories and my thoughts to encourage and hopefully inspire you. So I will keep writing when I’m too tired or too busy because maybe it does.

Putting my heart on display for public scrutiny is not easy. With each post, I risk rejection and criticism. But friendship comes with a risk–there can’t be intimacy without vulnerability–and you are worth that. And I know that as we learn to share our broken pieces, we can fit them together to form something beautifully whole.

So, can I ask you to link arms with me in friendship? In a world where people are isolated and alone, will you remember that you don’t have to be? I hope so, and I hope you’ll leave me a message to tell me so. 





32 thoughts on “We Were Made For Friendships

  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. They always inspire me. You have a special family because God blessed them with a special mother.


  2. Pingback: We Were Made For Friendships | mygemporium

  3. Yes, yes, yes, Rita, I’d love to be your friend…..I mean, remain your friend. Your words do matter and have meant so very much through the years. I cherish so many in my heart and the Spirit reminds me of what you have shared with me just when I need it. As I said, the Lord is even using you now to positively affect the next generation. God is using you mightily, dear friend. So, thanks so very much for your vulnerability and the time and energy you sacrifice to encourage all of us. {{{HUGS}}}


  4. I’ll take those hugs Heather :-D!! You, my friend, are one of the reasons I hang on. On those days that it would be easy to give in to my weariness, I remember your encouragement and try to be faithful. Thank you so much!


  5. I love this! I struggle to connect with women. I had no sisters and a very distant abusive mom. I never know where I quite fit and at times I’m too exhausted to care. I’ll link arms with you…maybe I’ll stalk you! Kidding…but seriously thanks for your transparency and your gift of YOU to the body.


    • Thanks Wende. This made me almost cry (because I can relate to the struggle to connect), and then downright laugh–you are hysterical! You can stalk me all you like :-). We crazy people need to stick together. Hugs!


  6. I sense a kinship in our hearts. Love this post and your honesty. Fear and insecurity can be crippling and we all feel it at times. Thankfully, fear doesn’t come from our Maker. I often have to remind myself of that during times of senseless, crazy, whirlwinds of lifeless thoughts running through my mind. He came to give us light and life; to give us power through the Holy Spirit. So thankful for hearts like yours. May we seek to be emptied of ourselves and filled with the Holy Spirit as we reach out to one another, bringing glory to Him. Thank you for this.


    • Wow! I needed that! I am amazed that my simple words to encourage those walking through that hard place of loneliness was what the Lord used to minister to my own. Thank you Marsha for you powerful words and your encouragement.


  7. I think God put this post in my path today – when I needed it the most. I’m a homeschooling mom of 4 in a new (small) town, 2500 miles from my closest family members. Mostly doing okay, but feeling very alone today. Thank you, Rita. 😉


  8. Could not agree more. I have been earnestly praying for community for a long time. Thank you for sharing. Wish I could grab all these women who have that same heart and bring us together. But the Lord keeps telling me that He has placed us all in specific areas for a reason. To help cultivate His church…Sooo let’s not grow weary while doing good. ☺️


    • You just spoke my heart!!! I have often wondered what it’d be like to connect in real life. And yet, as you say, where we are is no accident. Sometimes we just need that hug to keep going :-).


  9. You don’t know me. This is the first time I have heard of you. It was sent through FB by a special lady. Loneliness is one of those places that I try not to look at. It is a place where my heart cries, but still I ignore it. Small things mean a lot. I will thank my friend and ask for prayers. She is a great warrior. Loneliness is a place where I live right now.


    • Betty, I am so grateful for your honesty. And I am grateful for your friend who led you here knowing it was not an accident. I want you to know that I will lift your name before the God who knows you, sees you right where you are, and hears your heart cry. I will pray that He not only fill those lonely places, but that He bring that flesh and blood someone to minister to your heart. You are loved and I believe this loneliness you travel through will be the very thing that gives you greater purpose and the ability to lead others into the light of hope. Blessings Betty. I hope you stop back by again. I’d love to hear from you.


  10. Thank you so much… I also just came across this as someone I know shared it on fb (of course God knew all along that you would write it, she would share it and i would read it – along with so many other moms)… Above it she wrote “I know some momma out there needs to hear this” …. Yep. She was right. More than just me, but also including myself… I struggle with this daily, not knowing where I fit or if I do at all… But I can feel my soul yearning to fit somewhere… To “belong”… To be known and accepted… To be told it’s all “okay” … I could go on and on… I will spare u from more…. But just – thank you…


    • Melissa, I so know where you are! I think the thing I’ve learned is that it isn’t forever and it’s simply God’s way of reminding us that we need others and we have to move intentionally toward others even when it’s too hard and too exhausting, because life IS better together. With two adult children and two younger children, I often struggle with the feeling that I don’t actually “fit” into any group. But I remind myself that the enemy lies to keep us isolated and that I am blessed with beautiful, real friendships. Praying God will give you that one friend who reminds you that you are more than loved and accepted and that you belong to an amazing class of people–Mamas!


  11. Well, I wrote a long post.. But I lost it! So all I will say is.. I feel the same! I try to go to Jesus for comfort! Thank you for sharing your heart! And I’d be honored to call you friend!


  12. I love this… You know, when God keeps telling you the same thing from ten different sources and it finally occurs to you that ‘wait a minute, you’re trying to tell me something!’ Haha
    This touched my heart and helps me not feel so alone. Thank you for sharing! I’m blessed by your love for God and your love for other moms/women!


    • Oh I do know that feeling! I’m a bit hardheaded I think, so God has to repeat Himself often LOL. I hope you’ll stay connected here because I need you too :-). Also, say Hi whenever you feel like it on Facebook–Mothers With a Mission. I’m always happy to chat with women who can put up with me :-).


  13. Love you, Rita! I needed this today. You are always an inspiration. You always seem to “have it together”, but your blogs say the truth – you struggle, too. And that so inspiring.

    Liked by 1 person

    • And I love you too Kara! Thank you for that! Trust me, my idea of “having it together” is when I get through a day managing to shower AND shave my legs! And that’s not often LOL! So if my struggles inspire you, then stick around and be VERY inspired :-).


  14. Rita, would you believe that I prayed for a genuine woman to walk into my life not 5 minutes ago? We have a lot in common, including the way in-your-facebook posts hits us some days.

    I am where you were a year ago with Compel and two years ago with your blog. Don’t really know what I’m doing, just shuffling and stumbling forward. (a blog mentor was also in my request).

    I LOVE your blog! I LOVE the way you tell the truth; i am grateful for what that honesty did for me today, I’ve wept more in the last 24 hours than in the 365 days before. I felt so alone. And God used your words to comfort and direct my heart.

    You wrote, “Tell your husband where you are and what you’re struggling with. Talk about what you need.”

    I’ve been asking what he needs from me and getting no answer. He doesn’t ask me what i need, so i don’t tell.

    I’m going to lay what’s left of my heart out there and trust God for what happens.

    thank you


    • Lisa, I am so grateful for your trust and for your sweet words. I want you to know I take prayer seriously and am praying for a friend for you right where you are and for understanding from your husband. I know what a difference it can make. I am so happy to hear that you’re on Compel and invite you to contact me privately (since I don’t have your private email) so we can connect. I assume my email is on Compel, so please use it as I’d love to chat sometime. Until then, hugs my new friend :-).


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